


Willfully Blind

by LinnyBear



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, also how has this not happened in canon yet, dimension doors were probably involved, i lose my glasses just turning my head too fast, in which it's implied that they absolutely eviscerated a dragon, sarcastic banter warning, spoiler free, vague future battle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-27 00:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7595575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinnyBear/pseuds/LinnyBear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Percy loses his glasses during a fight. In a cavern full of mud and dragon guts. Vax is not pleased.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Willfully Blind

**Author's Note:**

> written for TheLadyPirate on tumblr, who asked for "Percy/Vex or Percy/Vax, Percy can’t find his glasses." Although it's less shippy than I originally intended, I think it gets the point across.

Vax is up to his knees in dirt and blood and other… viscera, and absolutely miserable. “How the fuck did this even _happen?”_

“Well, Vax’ildan, where would you like me to start?” If there’s anything that makes the situation better, it’s seeing Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo the Third blindly sloughing through the muck for his glasses, in all his battle-worn finery. “Should I start with the ghasts? Or the sentient glob of ooze? How about the massive fucking _dragon?_ ”

“This isn’t the first dragon we’ve fought,” Vex points out. She’s on her hands and knees somewhere near what was probably the dragon’s lower bowels, but to her credit isn’t complaining. Vax knows she will, later, and for a very long time. “How have you not prepared for this? Or at least, had your glasses enchanted not to fly off?”

“I’m the guy with the gun,” Percy so helpfully points out. “I don’t do the close range thing. It’s never been a problem.”

Vax grumbles to himself about “never a problem if you’re not doing the dirty work” and “poncy humans with shitty eyes” while he continues to dig. He has a moment of false hope that the search is over, but it turns out to be some sort of partially digested mystery ribcage, which he throws back into the muck with a grunt.

“Can’t you just… make a new pair?” Vex asks, her irritation finally mirroring Vax’s as she nearly slips and falls face-first in the dragon bits.

“While I’m functionally blind? Certainly, I’m sure that would work out very well.”

Vax grunts again as he spares a glance up to Keyleth, trying to scrape what dragon scales were still salvageable, and Grog, currently being patched up by Pike, who appears to be gently chastising him for something.

And, Scanlan, perched on a rock above the muddy pit and smoking a pipe.

“Are you all going to help us find His Majesty’s eyewear, or just sit around watching us bathe in dragon guts?” Vax calls out, glaring directly at the lounging bard.

“Oh, is that what we’re doing?” Scanlan has the nerve to look surprised. “I can help with that.” And with his pipe still between his teeth, Scanlan reaches out both hands, mutters something in gnomish, and pulls a dirt covered pair of glasses out of the mud, about midway between the twins.

The cavern is dead silent for a very long, tense moment, while everyone looks from their blood-soaked friends, to the floating pair of glasses, and back to Scanlan, pipe hanging loosely from his mouth.

Finally, Pike speaks up. “Please don’t kill him. I’m too exhausted to bring him back today.”

And if it were anyone but her asking, Vox Machina might have been down one bard.


End file.
